OASIS Wonderwall paper review

While I was at NCEAS, a man with a guitar used to set up below my window, in the mall, and torture Oasis (and myself and Carol Adair) every Friday for about 3 hours straight. This is my ode to not being able to get this out of my head, and to the general art of paper review. [no actual submissions were harmed in the process of this piece of pure snark]

OASIS Wonderwall paper review

Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you (reject and resubmit)

By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do (did anyone ever teach you how to write?)

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now (I have read your manuscript several times, don’t understand how you got funding and can’t quite believe that you trust your own work)

And all the roads we have to walk are winding (your style of writing almost entirely obscured the theoretical groundings of your hypotheses – were there any?)

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding (the statistical tests you used were state of the art, complex, and had lots of interesting simulations – an ANOVA would have been fine)

There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how (I think your advisor is someone I admire, and will likely know that I’m your reviewer)

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me (you cited my paper, and I think we may be the only two people on the planet doing this kind of research)